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Divinity Is Real

This is going to sound stupid. Can't be helped. Anytime someone mentions religion on the internet these days, the assumption is that they are a slobbering moron. Maybe I am.

I am a Christian. I know god is real. And occasionally, God is looking out for us.

I'm not trying to start a debate. My religion is not the only true religion. Hell, for all I know, my religion could be dead wrong. None of us will ever know until we're dead. For real dead. A near death experience is far too short to have all answers revealed to us.

But I digress.

I know personally that god is real (and this is the stupid part) because of a t-shirt.

White cotton and red ink. Not new. And in and of itself, not terribly inspirational. The design on the front is just two words. These to words, in their small way, changed my life.

HATE ME.

At the time, my life was about as low as it could get. Cut off from my family, no friends, in and out of the hospital for suicide attempts, and it seemed every other week something in the kitchen was causing my scalp to bleed. I've always had some faith that God was real. And because of the state of my life at that time, I KNEW that I didn't have a soul and he didn't care about me.

Then one day I was in the secondhand store. There, over by the t-shits was a white and red beacon. I knew as soon as I saw it that I had to have it. As mentioned before the front had two words in big red letters; on the back were the Lyrics to the Blue October song "Hate Me". And it just happened that it was on sale that day. Seventy-five cents later (big money for me at the time) and it was mine.

I didn't realize it at the time, but this was a turning point. Up until then, my life was shitty as shitty could be. And I KNEW that this was as good as life was ever going to be for me. But after that, I would wear that shirt, and listen to that song, and I slowly started to think that this may not be the life I deserve. And I slowly started working to make my life better.

Pulling myself up by the boot straps is a slow process. And lord knows I’m still working at it. But that little push. That t-shirt I HAD to have. Got me back on the right track.

So, is what I’m saying that if you’re depressed and can’t think of a reason not to end it all, you should go to church and get religion? FUCK NO! Church just made things worse for me. Avoid if possible. What I’m saying is, if you’re at the end of your rope, DON’T LET GO. Get help. Talk to a therapist. Visit you family. Find your true friends.

No one has to feel like that. And don’t wait for God to show up. Because, for all you know, this journal entry might be the sign you’re supposed to get.

If you absorb nothing from this, please remember this one thing. The most important thing in the world: DON’T EVER GIVE UP!

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lizibeth_x
Sep. 12th, 2011 06:35 pm (UTC)
I for one, am very glad that you didn't give up. I only hope that I can give you the life you deserve. I do not claim to be perfect. I only claim to be me. I will try my best to be the best girlfriend to you. I've already achieved Best Friend, Why not Best Girlfriend too?!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )